New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
