bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
