just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
handjob tips. give me some.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
