I feel like I'm in dance class right now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
