Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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