Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
