check it out our google latitudes are spooning
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
