i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
