Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
