Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
