what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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