dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
