burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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