i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
