do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
