you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
