She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
try to milk me bitch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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