Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
