If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
