i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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