looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
