it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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