Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
