Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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