even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
