so explain again why im purple
no
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
