So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
