Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
