My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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