babies were throwing up all over the place
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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