Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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