Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
