with your own penis?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
