cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
