lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
