My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
