Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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