Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
