awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
