at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
