i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
