Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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