"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
