his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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