I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
