I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
