I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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