She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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