Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
