I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
