Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
