Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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