I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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