i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
